The passing of a family friend two nights ago has me thinking deeply about greif.
We all have it, whether we have lost someone close or not. However those that do lose a close loved one or friend are in a bit of a special club. It's a club you didn't belong to before- and were oblivious that it existed.
One doesn't truly know heartache until someone close to them dies. The sadness of them passing, the guilt for not "doing more"- or telling them how much they really meant to you. All those physical opportunities disappear in a literal heartbeat.
We have strong emotions when we are in grieving- but grieving itself is an emotion of the lungs. When you're sad or grieving, you may find yourself sighing all the time. When I lost my brother nearly 5 years ago to a car accident- before I knew anything about emotions and organs- I was sighing CONSTANTLY. I was aware of it- I just didn't know the connection. We store grief in the lungs. Undealt with- respiratory problems can arise.
Bringing attention to the breath during a grieving situation can help- those tiny sighs are actually micro-emotional releases. The lungs are trying to tell you something: It's time to cry, release, feel, breath deep and let it all out with each exhale.
There is nothing you can do to diminish the pain of losing someone, except wait. Time does help- but there are some nice things that you can do for yourself (or that you can do for someone who IS grieving) along the way to help get through.
Some Humble Suggestions:
- Talk to someone- a friend, a therapist, a sister or brother. Someone you can completely be honest with preferably. Grief contains some negative feelings, guilt, anger, resentment....talk to someone uninhibited.
- Try to avoid Alcohol and Drugs. I know this is a tall order (and speaking from experience- this is not how I handled it back then with I lost Dusty). However I know now that this stunts your progression through greif. It prolongs the inevitable.
- Try to start the day- still laying in bed, practicing deep breathing. Deeply in through the nose and out the mouth. Slowly and deelpy. Breath all the way in to the stomach. Do this for several minutes. It will help you to cry if you need to, get in touch with how you're felling and oxygen is good- it makes us feel good. It's a simple tool, but it works.
- Begin consuming lung supportive herbs. Energetically these will help the emotional releases to come. It will release congestion from the lungs whether physical or energetic. Herbs to try are Mullein (my personal fav), White Horehound (very bitter) or even an herb such as Coltsfoot or Lungwort. Mullein is great because it's mild in flavor- combine it with peppermint tea and it's lovely! Try to drink about 3 cups a day. This can also be taken in liquid tincture or capsule.
- Take several doses of Ignatia amara for grief. This will help you to cry when you need to, release what does not serve you and feel better faster. 3 doses of Ignatia amara 30C for 3 days in a row is an excellent start. 1 pellet under the tongue is all you need.
- Begin taking the Bach Flower Essence- Star of Bethlehem. When Dusty died, I went through this like water. I know that it helped me and I think it can help others too. It's available in a product called Rescue Remedy (contains other essences too). It's also available in just a single essence of Star of Bethlehem. Flower Essences work with feelings. They are plants that match the energetic signature of human emotion. They are gentle, safe for children, babies from birth and pregnant women.
- Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. TELL YOURSELF YOU LOVE YOURSELF. Even if it feels silly, this simple act can help you to stay more positive, loving, and get through grief easier.
- If you have the means, get a massage. The power of touch is a great healer and it can also help you to have those emotional releases that you so desperately need. Craniosacral or energywork of any kind counts! If you can't afford that- swap massages nightly with your significant other! Even a nice hot foot bath with oils and Epsom salts at night can be very relaxing and cleansing.
These are just a few suggestions. I'm sure there are so many more out there and if you know of some- I'd love to hear them!